


Of Unfair Fates and Giant Sturdy Women

by Random_ag



Category: Bendy and the Ink Machine
Genre: F/M, Trans Male Character, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, Two Actually, bert and kim bond over being screwed over by mother nature and loving their wives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:01:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22038991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Random_ag/pseuds/Random_ag
Summary: insane-control-room asked: kim and bert hanging out, chatting trans rights and doting on their wivesand by GOD will i give this to em
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	Of Unfair Fates and Giant Sturdy Women

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Control_Room](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Control_Room/gifts).



At first glance, the common fool would imagine there couldn’t possibly be any kind of correlation between a simple toy maker and the owner and creator of some of the most wondrous, colossal, magnificent amusement parks to have ever graced the Earth. And it would be a rather well educated guess on a superficial level; after all, one does not look at a pair complete strangers and imagine wild soap-operesque connections between lives which, to them, are completely alien and unimportant.

However, the common fool would be wrong.

For these two men where indeed similar under a few very specific aspects.

One of which included the possibility - that had happened several times before, was currently happening and would happened several times in the future - of being forced to sit down for the whole day with a hot water bottle angrily planted onto the lap so it can boil the lower abdomen, groaning and periodically cursing the fallacy of human evolution, which had never thought it necessary to remedy to Mother Nature’s unfair monthly torture.

A hand slid a chocolate bar on the table. Kim accepted it, dragging it to what little of his face was not in contact with the wooden surface.

“Gea detests me.” he somberly declared.

“She detests us all.” Bertrum agreed with a solemn nod as he sat beside him.

Kim’s face rose as he munched on some chocolate: “We don’t deserve this.” he mumbled angrily.

The older man nodded again.

“We don’t deserve any of the things she keeps throwing at us.” the other continued as he adjusted the blistering heat source on his lap, “Who said I had to bleed out every month for no reason and not even die from it? Who decided it? If it was the same person who gave me dysphoria whenever I look at my chest I’m gonna hit them with a stool. What the hell was that even for. Why must I suffer like this. There’s not even some kinda understandable reason, I just look at it and I want to tear it off my body like a rabid wolf or something. Who the hell said oh yeah, that should be a thing. What is the purpose of it. Go fuck yourself. This is some bullshit.”

“It really is some bullshit.”

“We are very sexy though. Unbelievably sexy. We go that. I have seen many cis men who look good and handsome and all, but they don’t have that sexy that we have. Like, you have your swirls, Mr. Piedmont-”

“Thank you, I’m quite proud of them myself.”

“-you’re welcome, and Mr. Cohen has his hair, and I have this.” and his head slipped off the table as he rose one of his legs really high.

“Impressive.”

“Hell yes it is impressive. Can a cis man do this? Can a cis man do a split in mid air while on a handstand and not get hurt? I think the fuck not, Mr. Piedmont. Boom. Fuck you, Gea.”

Bertrum let him ramble; a calm if somewhat nonsensical and uncharacteristically graceless talkativeness meant that the toy maker had already taken his painkillers and would soon feel better. In the meantime, he would have gladly stayed; chatting with him had proved to be quite an amusing way to spend the slow passage of long, boring minutes.

“And our names are just good.”

“Of course they are! We chose them ourselves after all.”

“I can’t imagine my parents picking my name for me. Can you, Mr. Piedmont? I bet they would have called me something like Hamlet. Or Horatio. No, wait, they would have probably called me Laertes. Dear God, I hope they wouldn’t have called me Laertes.”

“What’s wrong with Laertes? I think it’s a rather interesting name.”

“Laertes _sucks_. He’s not in the play for long, he leaves, comes back, gets tricked into fighting a guy and gets stabbed by his own sword.”

Bertrum chuckled: “Why, you sure have some bones to pick with him.”

“He’s terrible. And so is Ophelia. Honestly everybody is terrible in that play. Except Horatio, maybe.”

“Didn’t know you were a Shakespear fan.”

“Am not. I just hate Hamlet.”

The dreadlocked head emerged once again from under the table: “Why are you here anyways, Mr. Piedmont?”

“Oh, everything’s going rather slow today.” he replied, “I don’t have much to do. Especially since my sweet Lacie has everything under control.”

The older man sighed dreamily as his thoughts drifted towards his smart, beautiful wife and how wonderfully strong she was, both in the body and the spirit. The more he thought of hir, the more butterflies took flight in his stomach.

Kim hummed in agreement.

Because if there was another thing the two men had in common, why, that was certainly the uncontrollable unbound never-ending love for their gorgeous wives who could have easily broken even single last small bone in their weak little bodies without even putting the barest care or effort into it.

“They’re so good, aren’t they.” he murmured, foundly thinking back to Niamh.

“Absolutely fantastic.”

“Magnificent.”

“Glorious murder women.”

“With arms the size of a pair of wonderful trucks.”

“And the strength of a thousand cyclops.”

“We are terribly lucky.”

“Yep.”

“They could so easily kill us.”

“It could take a single slap.”

“Or a kiss.”

“Gods, you’re right!”

“I’ve been killed about fifty times now.”

“Are you sure you’ll reach my age, at that rate?”

“Oh, trust me, I’ll outlive your grandkids’ grandkids with her kisses me.”

“But will you outlive me?”

“Is that a challenge?”

“Oh, it just may be, young man!”

Lacie snickered quietly while she looked upon hir beloved playfully bickering with the toy maker as he ‘defended’ hir and hir amazing qualities. Niamh leaned on the wall, next to hir, she too enjoying the view.

“You and I got real lucky, huh?” the mechanic whispered in the smaller woman’s ear, who cackled with her: “Aye, we sure did.”


End file.
